Today I left Paris, and started my trip to Reims.
I don’t know if I have ever cried this much. It has been more difficult than I thought. Not being able to speak to people, can really be challenging. There is no way of being able to put it into words, unless you experience it yourself. There is no doubt, I am working on improving my communication skills, but they will never be at the level where I could carry a conversation. I don’t even know where to begin with this blog. I suppose I will start with my morning, and work my way forward.
I woke up this morning to a nice breakfast, and a metro ride to train station. I learned how the system worked, and it wasn’t all that difficult. If I were by myself, it might have been. When you have a pro with you, everything seems easy. I knew the moment I said goodbye, that the journey of self discovery and true growth was going to start.
In Australia, I found a part of me that I hadn’t used in a long time. The ability to just relax and enjoy the moment. Just really, enjoy the moment. I found a part of my soul, if that makes any sense. I learned a little bit more about who I am, and what living is all about.
France, is exposing another part of my soul. I truly have empathy for those people who come to America that do not know how to speak English. We really do nothing to accommodate non-native speakers. Some communities more than others, but on the whole, if you don’t speak the language you are in a world of hurt. I am a smart guy, or at least I would like to think of myself as one. And I can’t tell you how stupid I feel. Maybe not stupid, rather I felt helpless. I know stuff, yet I can’t get it out. My tough and knowledge is limited. Today, I was making a “sneezing” sound to have some help me find the tissue. It worked, though it would have been easier to just ask.
So, anywho. I left Paris and took the bullet train to Reims. That train moved so fast, things on the side tracks were just a blur. I don’t even really remember the ride, actually. It happened so fast, and it was SO smooth. . nothing like anything I have ever seen in the US, and probably never will. I meet someone who was coming to the business school to do some sort of oral exam. I guess they are in the application process. She spoke pretty good English, so I had company for the half hour on the train.
As I left the train station I was presented with the first challenge of the day. Find my bus, going in the right way. . it took me an hour to travel 3 miles or so. Now, I should have just walked it, but then I would have never learned the system. I decided that it is important to struggle and get it figured it out. I wasn’t annoyed at the process, rather I was frustrated that I could just ask for help. I had to figure it out on my own. Nothing was written in English, though some things were the Paris metro system. When I figured that out, I at least knew the right line to take.
I arrived that the school, and I was surprised how small it was. It really is small like my friend mentioned. In many ways, it actually makes my life easy. Or so I thought. I came across a lot of students, all of which were speaking French. I learned that the normal sessions were still going on, as well as other programs. This was a sure sign most of the people I saw probably didn’t speak English nativity. I felt alone again, at least at that moment.
My room was shown to me, and it is actually pretty nice. It has everything I will ever need these next 4 weeks. I was very happy with my room. I have a nice view, and I am on the top floor.
After my quick orientation was over, I took of to the store. I bought a lot of food, and it was cheap. . WAY cheap compared to Paris. Checking out was bad. I didn’t know what the price was, as there were two numbers on the checkout stand. They wanted me to do something with the fruit, which I still had no idea. It was very stressful. People behind me, and here I am. . just wanting to leave.. to pay and leave. Instead, I was holding everyone up and I felt very embarrassed. It was a moment when I realized what it was like for people in the States, who don’t speak English. It can be SO frustrating, as you know what you are doing. you just can’t tell anyone.
The campus has a gym, which really excited me. . A LOT. I got a nice workout in this afternoon. I also decided that I wasn’t going to be a prisoner to my language disability. I left my room, and went downstairs. I started to talk to random people I came across. They were all friendly, and made me feel a little better. There was even a karaoke party going on. There is nothing like hearing a French person sing an American song. The words they said were SO funny. I wanted to get on the floor and let out a few tunes, instead I sat back and watched and enjoyed myself.
Things started to look up as the day came to a close. I spoke to my mom, Etienne, friends in eugene, posted on facebook, and met some new people. Things really are looking up, and this journey is making forming something special in me that I can’t quite say at the moment. Something IS happening.
I am proud of all that I have accomplished so far, and I know that there is more to come.
Now, there is one thing that really tipped me over the scale today. . and it still does as I think of it today. There was a lunch packed for me, and it was put into my bag. I forgot about it until I started to unpack my things. (shortly after I was left alone from my orientation) It was just a packed lunch, but it really hit me hard. And it still does. I had struggled with a lot of things at that point, and there within my back was a little package of happiness. Does that make any sense?? My friend left something for me, and I found it at just the right moment. It was a moment you would find in the movies. It lifted my spirits, but also showed the contrast of my aloneness at this point.
Today several memorable things happened in my life.
What will tomorrow bring?