Cherney’s Life Story

I watched an episode of “How I met your Mother” this evening.

As I have had a lot of time to think and reflect while I have been down under, some things I haven’t really be thinking about is my relationship status. Hard to believe really.  But, finally I have found peace in being single.  No dating website, no nothing like that anymore.  It is time to invest in myself, and go forward on that path.

Investing in my future, moving to Australia..  gaining some new skills and truly beginning the next adventure.. the next step in my life.  I talk about page turners, it is time to start a new volume to my book of life.  Anywho, this post isn’t really about that.. I want to explore relationships because of this episode.

This character mentioned something, and I had to think that they were right.  Like them, I too have issues with dating.  I just don’t play the stupid shitty rules that so many people do.  I am a person who wears their heart on their sleeves.  I am just way forward and say what I think and feel.  I know this type of personality would be great for a long term relationship, or being married.  I know, much like the character on the show realized, that they have a lot of potential and tons to offer.  They just need to get past the first few months of the relationship.

I just can’t help but think about this.  If I am this way, there has to be someone of the opposite sex who thinks the same way?  Right?? There is got to be.  If I can see fiction discuss the same thoughts I have thought, then clearly others have had this thought too.  Now, I just need to get myself in that position for it to happen.

How am I going to make that happen?

I don’t know.

Here is what I do know.  I know that all I can do is be myself, and let the chips fall where they may.

I have a feeling that a reason why many of my relationships have failed, for some reason or another is the fact that I wasn’t happy with where I am in life.  I didn’t want to be in Eugene for a long time, so how can you find someone and build something with them if you aren’t there?  Somewhere deep down inside, I knew that I needed to get out of this place.

There is comfort it the similarity, in stability.  God knows that there is.

I enjoy the life style and the life that I live in town, I really do.  I found peace with it.  But being back in Perth, I see a life that I crave that Eugene could never meet.  Not many places in the US can really match the life I could have here.  Being here, looking for work, hitting the pavement has been an eye opener.  The things I learned would have never been learned should I just tried in Eugene.  I gained a lot of experience, and hopefully it will carry over in other parts of my life.

The possibilities are endless here.  If I land the job that I want, I could be working in Perth.. London.. LA..  New York.. just about anywhere in the world.  My options are limited in that regard at my current town.

You know what is the scariest thing about leaving and heading over?  The lack of any “support” over here.  I have friends, but no family.  Friends are my family.  I’m taking the biggest risk in my life.  Selling my car, moving across the world.. becoming a student.. ending a stable job..  putting my life in a new position.  Can you imagine?

What the hell am I thinking?  It is something that seems SO crazy, yet the thought is so warming.  Scary, and exciting.  I have a firm education already, and I should be able to find work if I absolutely needed to in the US should it not work here. It just won’t be the same as it was.  It will never be the same if I leave and do this.

As I was looking at homes in Eugene, I really saw how limited my future would be at my job.  It works well for renting, and I could by a house. I could do a lot of stuff, and travel. But let’s look 20 years down the line.  It isn’t where I want to be.  It doesn’t offer the potential that I know I can live up to.

Friends have told me that they expect big things out of my life.  I haven’t seen them, and I know they should be reached.  This is the step that enables this.

If I fail, if I succeed… at least I know I did something in my life that not many have done.  Went after a dream.

If I come back home with a tail between my legs, what am I going to do?

I think that this shouldn’t be considered, because failure isn’t an option.  I have learned that I plan 3 things at once.  And in the process of doing this, I am never putting 100% at any of them.   This is it.  This path deserves more than 100% and I need to make sure that I do it better than the next person.  I need to do it better, and smarter.  The cards are not in my favor, nor are they stacked against me.  They are balanced in chance and me kicking ass.

2 years is a long time to be a student, and who knows what would happen in that amount of time.  I could be working and making an income where I don’t feel like i am a loser.  I could be jobless, or working as a waiter.  Struggling is the best word I can think of.  I don’t want to struggle to pay the bills, yet this is a very good possibility.  I am leaving no struggle for a challenge that could lead to my greatest happiness.

Why is it so hard?  why?

Accounting is about as stable of a profession I could pick.  It is also field where I know I could succeed anywhere in the states.  The skills I learn will be usefull.

Why don’t I feel like a strong employee with the MBA?  It is looked on highly, yet I don’t feel all that strong.  I wish I did.

I can’t sell myself like I thought I would.  I need to believe in me, I need to believe that I have the abilities to do whatever the job asks.  Really, and the sad case is..  It is all about who you know.  You need to know the right person.  Lucky breaks. hmmmm..

Time for bed.

Relationships…  hmmm…  Work…  hmmmm… School.. . .  hmmm..  Moving…. hmmmmm…

My mind is made up, time is ticking.  Get accepted to the school.. get my finances in order, and plunge.

Dinner tonight was UNBELIEVABLE.  We had kangaroo roast.  :)  Yep, you read that correctly.  It was SO good, I can’t even begin to explain it.

Anywho, aside from a good dinner..  I had plenty of other good food today.

My job search here continues, though this weekend I am taking a break.  We are heading south for some “mountain” biking, and camping.  Not many mountains around here, it is more off road biking!  lol.  It is still tons of fun, and I am looking forward to it.

Aside from these plans, my next week is my last in Australia.  I am hoping and keeping my fingers crossed that I might be able to find a job and just stay, but with each passing day.. it looks more and more like this isn’t going to happen.  I will have to wait until I am able to start school.  The whole masters in accounting is looking more and more like it is going to be my only way of pulling this off.  It is a sad truth, I’m going to have to go back to school for one more degree..  Can I handle two years of school, again?

I mean shoot, I didn’t it once.  Who is to say that I couldn’t do it again?  I just know the endpoint is something I want.  I know that going to school again will give me the chance to learn the things  I didn’t get a chance to learn this last time.  Who would have thought, but I feel like I am missing something.

Actually, this makes a lot of sense.  Ever since I finished, it didn’t feel like I should have.  I know I missed out on some stuff, and this would be a good chance to do it over again.  I could really come out of this thing as a real winner.  Of course, should I do this route.. I don’t know what will happen if I don’t get a job in Australia.  I will have the tools and skills to be successful back in the states, but…  hmm…  do I really want to come back?

This next week should be fun, and I hope everything works out the way it should.  Have a good weekend everyone.

I’ve fallen in love, and it isn’t with a person.  Nope, it is with the down that I am living in.  I love Perth.  What an amazing city. Diversity is abound, and the people are awesome.  Why did it take so long to find a town that feels like home? Unlike my time in France, I am actually able to talk and communicate with people! :)   But all kidding aside, I love this place and I am having a blast.

Most people on vacation would be doing vacationish stuff.  Nope, not me.  I’m out each day looking for work, and applying to schools.  Yes, I said schools.  I am looking at getting a Masters in Accounting.   Crazy??  No, not so much.  Here is what I am thinking.  If I go to school here, my chances of getting job in the same town is pretty good.  I learned this little trick after my MBA.  Go figure.  All the jobs the UO offers is in the Eugene/Portland market.  This is not where I want to land.  Imagine getting the first job in the town you want? My applications are in at both big schools here.  Now it is the waiting game.

I have had SO much fun these last few weeks, it isn’t even funny.  I don’t want to come home. Things are SO much simpler over here.  Unless you are living it, it is kind of hard to explain.  Just imagine the US 50 years ago.  Then you start to get a feel of the town I am living in.  Sydney, Melbourne. and the others are not like this town.  It is special, much like a small country town with 1.4 million people.  I have meet several people, and funny enough.. they knew each other.  Small world, huh?

So here I am writing in mu blog for the first time in a very long time.

We did a 9 day camping trip up north.  We droving something like 5oook, or several thousand miles.  The distance from Seattle to LA, and then back again.  I saw some amazing country.  I was swimming under a water fall..  (more than one) I walked white sand beaches.. I climbed up cliffs.. and hiked into deep canyons. This trip was nothing like the other Aussie trips.  In addition to spending time with my good friend Simon, I got to hang out with my other Aussie friends.. I hadn’t seen them in SO long. I also made some new friends in the process.

I think over and over again.. will it be hard to make new friends here?  I don’t think it will be.  I have had the chance to talk to a lot of people these few weeks, and they have constantly  surprised me.  The people here are really nice. I must say though, Americans are pretty damn nice.  And to that.. the Aussie culture might not meet.  They are nice and friendly in a different way.  Hard to put into words.

I come back home on the 27 of July; this day is going to be hard to face. The only solace I have is the thought that I can come back soon.   This time with more clothes, a few more things, and for the most part.  Be better prepared.  I just have to wait for those letters of acceptance to the business schools.  Sure, if I land a job in the next two weeks then the decision is pretty easy.

The fact that I am able to talk to people and make new friends is nice.  But, I am really REALLY going to miss my friends back home. The bonds we have built over the years.. it will be hard to say good bye.  My friends at home have been my leaning block for SO long.. I can’t wait to give them a chance to show them around Australia.

My job.. there are a lot of good things about my job.  The kids, and staff.. aww… the kids and staff. It will be hard to say goodbye to them.

My family..  now this will be hard.  I really don’t care to write about this at this time.  I don’t want to cry.

The relationships I forge here will be new and different.  I will be Bob the American.  All the of the anchors that I have built in Eugene will be gone. I have to rebuild everything.   Goodbye to ALL.. and hello to something new and undefined. New and very different.  A hell of an adventure.

I am getting ready to head out, and man does it feel good.

A vacation is exactly what I need.  Really.

I admit, camping really isn’t my thing.. but the idea of camping where I am going to be camping.. and spending time with friends that I don’t get to see all that often is amazing.

It is hard to believe that I have stress in my life again, but it happened.  I was able to go roughly 2 months free of stress, and now it returns.

Having to look for a new place… kind of sucks.  As sick and twisted as it sounds, I do enjoy living with my parents.  It has down sides, but it also has a lot of perks.

My mind just runs wild and I think of endless options.  I wonder if I am going to be subject to these same mental triggers my whole life?  The best thing I can do is try to avoid them, I guess.

Had to believe that I used to be afraid of flying, yet here I am heading to Australia again.  It would be a lot of fun to head to France, or South Africa for winter break.  Traveling is SO much fun.

I find that if you meet someone who hasn’t traveled, they just don’t understand the appeal of it.  It is kind of addicting!

I’m feeling more tired than usual lately.  Maybe it is allergies?  I’m sure it is just stress.

Going overseas..  a moment to be away from Eugene.  Recharge the batteries.

Speaking of camping, today I bought another item for my trip.  It is like of like a sleeping pad for the ground.  I really don’t have much camping stuff.  That, a sleeping bag, and a head lamp.  I guess one piece at a time.

I’m happy to report that no stress from work, at the moment.  Knock on wood.  Thank goodness.

I’m starting to settle into my new office, finally. It took a little getting used to.. but it’s starting to happen. In the process of this adjustment, I found a new refreshed spirit at my job. It’s kind of fun again. Hard to explain, but a change of environment, change of people, and change of pace did me good. It is the same job, but yet it feels different.

Another thing I found these past couple of weeks is peace. Peace of mind, peace in life. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be at peace with things. Joy and happiness follow soon after. Even though the job interviews didn’t go as well as planned, something else did come from them. I discovered some things that I value more than others. I love the quality of life that my job current offers, and I don’t know if there is much out there that can compete.

Being torn about where I wanted to settle down and live had played a large part in the stress I had been feeling. It is hard trying to find a new path when so many are presented to you. I have no doubt that any which way I take will be good and prosperous, but why walk away from a life that I enjoy?

In the self discovery phase, I found that Eugene is actually a pretty damn great place.. and there is no need to leave. Having said this, watch me find a job now somewhere outside of town. The moment I am not looking is the exact moment things will hit me.

I’m happy here, even though I long to be somewhere else. Does that make any sense? I’m happy with all that I have, and the life that I am living. Being able to say this, after a couple of years of searching is such a relief. I woke up one morning, and realized that if I stop searching I’ll be happy. Odd.. but it’s true. It was driving me crazy, nothing really compares to the life that I have hear, so why would I leave it? Money can only do so much.. the stories that I can share, through my adventures is what’s important to me. Being able to travel, but with a partner is what I crave.

Why work your ass off only to get a couple weeks of break? I don’t know, dude.. I don’t know.

Anywho.. I’m excited that Australia is coming, and I get to take a vacation from Eugene. As luck would have it, I meet a really cool girl.. Still early, but she seems pretty damn awesome.. and I look forward to the direction it could go.

October is the month where my name FINALLY comes of the mortgage of my old place. This will free up the last and only remaining piece of my former life. Once I am clear of this paper work, I can establish myself anywhere I want. I’ve been very lucky to have a family that took me in, and friends that have looked after me during these last two years.

I went to Australia the last time to free myself of the stresses around here. I go to Australia again, this time a different person. It is trip where the page turns again in my life. The first time I went was before my marriage, and red flags started to pop up. I should have listened then.. Every time I go, it is for a reason that I may.. or may not understand. This time, is the first time I am going over the happiest I have ever been.

A new page has turned in my life, and it feels pretty damn good.

Simon, as I have told him many times before, is like a brother to me. He has always been there when I needed him, I’m so excited that time around.. I will not be leaning on him and asking for guidance.. this time, I come over with big eyes, and full and happy heart.

There have been several page turning events in my life. Some I can remember and write about more fully than others. Some chapters are shorter than other, but the content of those chapters is still very relevant. One, when I was hit by a car when I was younger.. that set up a chain of events that to this day makes me the person that I am.

Moving to Oregon, was another one of those moments.. Getting married.. and then divorced was a HUGE page turner. Going to France.. and earning my Masters degree are some of my more recent.

Finally, this latest page… I have found peace. I am happy with who I am, and where I have been. This is the most exciting of all the chapters, or pages, because I don’t know where I am going from here. The journey is the reason to live, it is not the destination. So many of these pages have been destinations, you knew that they were going to happen, and all you needed to do was just go threw the motions to get there. This next chapter is unknown…

My last batch of interviews didn’t go so well. I guess that’s the way it goes sometimes. I’m sure it was for the best, and I have faith that it happened for a reason. I just wish I knew what that reason was. All I can do is take it one day at a time, and move forward.

I am thankful that I will be able to go to Australia again. It is only in 5 weeks or so. I’m rather excited to take a vacation. When I was in Seattle, it felt like vacation. Smelling the ocean air.. watching people, and being a tourist. I rather enjoyed it.

My office recently moved. Yeah, after 14 plus years of being in the same room, and area… I am now in a different part of the building. I kind of have mixed feelings about this; there are both good and bad things about this new change. If I embrace it and think about the good things, it isn’t all that bad. Being further away from the majority of my work kind of stinks. But there is no NO substitute for natural sunshine. I don’t think I have ever had a room that felt so open and fresh. I’m still getting used to it, but I’m sure in the long run things will be for the better.

It kind of revived my spirit at work. Finally something new and different. I’m sure it will be short lived, but at the moment it is kind of fun around the office again. Knock on couch. Hope it sticks this way until the school year ends.

Spring has finally arrived in the Willamette valley, and maybe not a moment too soon. I can’t tell you how nice it is to see sunshine each day! Riding bike to work, running along the river trail, driving with the sun roof open.. (just for the hell of it).. are all signs that summer is just around the corner. Really, winter wasn’t all that tough this year. It seemed like we had at least one sunny day each week.

I’m excited to report that I have phone interview this Tuesday with a business that is closely aligned with my masters degree. I have never had a phone interview before, shoot… I don’t recall the last time I have actually had an actual private business job “interview.” Maybe the late 90’s? I’m a little nervous, but hopefully that will all go away when I get on the phone with them. I guess it is the unknown that I wonder about. What on earth are they going to ask me?

Hopefully my charm will carry over on the phone, and I will impress them with one of my many skills. The location of the business is near Minneapolis MN. Not exactly a warm location, or even that close to my current home in Oregon. The business is a non profit, with a small staff of 8. They focus on reducing waste and increasing energy efficiency. I need to do a little homework this weekend. I need to read up on Minnesota energy reduction policies, state regulations on waste disposal, as well as research and learn about the business itself. I might even google stalk the people in the business to build a better idea of who they are, give me the upper hand when trying to build a rapport with them.

I’m heading up to Seattle next weekend for another job interview. What are the odds that I get 2 interviews in the same week? I have been applying for 8 months now, and I haven’t heard anything.

They are moving me at work. Yeah, the room that has been my office for 7 years is now becoming a classroom for instruction. I am getting moved to the other end of the building. There are some pro’s and con’s to this move. I think it will be harder on some people in the building, as I will be less accessible to them. On the flip side, my new area will be much quieter, added privacy, and several LARGE windows for natural light. I like the windows part. 7 years in a brick room.. is like living in a dungeon. They are FINALLY letting me out.

Since I will be further away from people, I should totally invest in some nerf shooters. My students and I could have a blast, and not disturb a soul!

I wrote a letter to the super attendant yesterday. I asked him why doesn’t the district do more things that are sustainable? I offered up some suggestions and ideas on how to save money.. Much to my surprise, he not only wrote me back (quickly), he also liked my ideas and passed them on. They had already started a committee to look at some of the things I mentioned. I think I might ask to be on it.

Time to enjoy some sun..