Cherney’s Life Story

I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and these were the words I was hearing in my head.  “Faith is not about knowing what is around the next corner, but rather accepting that whatever is around the next corner could be anything.”

Where did that come from?  How could a person wake up in the middle of the night with that on their mind.  I had the computer next to me so I opened it up, and wrote it down.   What is interesting is this.  This isn’t the only time I have had moments like this, I just never write them down. . and then I forget about it the morning.  Because I was able to write it down, last night was kind of special.

Of all my friends, I would call Ethan the guy who is the biggest philosopher.  He has a degree in philosophy, so that has to mean something.  They guy is also the most religious person I know.  I would like to think he knows a thing or two about philosophy and faith.  I should send him a message seeing what he thinks.

Oh, if you haven’t noticed. .  I have had a lot more free time this weekend to write.  I have to admit, I really enjoy it.  During the work week, my creative juices aren’t flowing as much as I would like.  When I have four days off, the brain starts to let go of the stress and words come to my mind.

What does that saying above mean to me?

Please excuse me as I write my ideas.  But, what I really want to know is what this saying means to you.

I have used faith in many different applications over the months.  I still believe that faith has something to do with believing in something you can’t control.  Does faith mean that only good things come your way?  Personally, I don’t know.  Not such good things can happen, I think you just have to find the good in those situations.  I understand that it can be really tough, I never said it was easy.

But not knowing what is going to happen next is what faith is all about.  You have to accept the fact that you have little control over what is going to happen next.  The only thing you can do is accept it, and go with it.  Even if it may seem hard, or something you don’t want to do.  Choosing that path, the one that was presented to you, is the only way to go.  Not listening, I think, is the wrong thing to do.

What do I mean by not listening?

Let’s say you are walking into a room, and there are two doors.  You were planning on walking through the left door because it will take you were you want to go.  Plus, the right door is locked. . so you could never enter it anyway.  Well, on your way to that left door, you trip and find a key hidden in the cracks of the floor.  The key is to the door on the right.  At this point, you are left facing a choice.  Do you go through the door you intended, or do you take the other one?  Having know idea where it will lead you, opening the right door means (in my simple example) that you are listening.

As I was saying, not listening is wrong.  You should never turn your back to opportunities, challenges, or situations that seem difficult.  Encountering times like these, in my mind, is really special.  They are defining moments in our lives.

The second half of my saying is the part that is really putting me in a loop.

(I lost it all.  Yeah, I had this whole second part of my blog written. . but I lost it.  Okay, I get to write it again.)

I hope you don’t mind me expanding on my ideas for the second part this little saying.  I kind of just want to write this morning.

I think the second half of this saying is the most interesting.  To have faith, you really have to follow it blindly.   When you question faith, you are no longer following. . but trying to lead your own life.  When we try to take the reins of our life, we all too often become lost.

Following faith is a little easier when you believe in something, and hold on to something simple.  Family, friends, and that something special to you.  Holding on to something simple is easiest because you can have a good grip on it.  You are very likely to lose the hard or difficult, because it is tricky and can be misleading.

For me, school is that special thing.  It has opened doors that I would have never imagined.  I am holding on tight to my education.  I am finding that the path I am going down is good.  I am being challenged everyday, I am meeting new people, and I am learning more about myself.  Really, everything I am doing is because of my focus on school.  Kind of a weird idea, but I wouldn’t be where I am because of it.

I have faith that my school is the correct path for me, and I look forward to where it will lead me.

Anything could happen today, or tomorrow.  Faith will give me the strength to handle it all.  To say that I am not scared, would be a lie.

I think accepting the unknown is the biggest leap of faith.  Trusting that whatever comes your way was meant to be, and then listening to it is tough.  Not knowing is also the most exciting part about life.

Could we say that living a complete life means we followed faith?

Now that one of my life’s great mysteries is solved, I didn’t know what to do with myself today.  I tried to keep busy, finding various things to do around town.

I wanted to go visit a friend I hadn’t seen in a month or two.  I went over to where he works, and he wasn’t working. . this wasn’t to big of a shock.  When I asked, “when will he work again?”  I was told that he no longer works there, he stopped working there a couple of weeks ago.  So, I sent him a text.  I learned that he moved back home closer where he went to college.  Fargo, ND.  Small world, right?

Anywho, I said. . where are you?  He replied, “Fargo”. . I said, when you coming back. .  He responded, “I moved back!” . .  Dude, am I out of the loop.

I bought the gifts I wanted to give my friends, so I am excited about that.  I still need to get stuff for my family. They are a lot harder to shop for.  I want to give them something meaningful, not some junk I find at the store.

It was SO beautiful in town today.  I want to say that it was sunny and in the mid 60’s.  Today would have been a great day to go for a run, ride a bike, or play some ultimate.  I hope tomorrow is the same way, as I will make sure to take advantage of it. I will be careful on my bike, because the desire to ride is SO great. .  .

I got a big jump on homework today. . I was down at the coffee shop at 7 this morning doing school work.  Kind of sad, really.  I think I need a life, but the one I have right now seems to work fine.  At least I think it does.

Okay. . .   after I don’ know how many months. .  I figured out who the damn elf is!   Two morning in a row, I have heard the pounding coming into my place at 5:40 am.  It got me thinking. .  who could it be.  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The coffee just below me. .  well, it isn’t directly below me, but close enough.  They prepare other things aside from mocha’s.   They are probably chopping up some sort of food.

Riddle Solved.

The day after thanksgiven. .  what a day to shop.  Did you go out and do your shopping thing?  I was kind of lazy and didn’t wake up as early as I could have.  I opened my eyes at one point and it was 5am, but I said screw it. .  I figured people would still be out later in the morning.  Besides, the main doors had already opened, so I would miss the mad rush.  I did make it out, but it wasn’t until 7 or so.  I went to the mall as well as other places in town.  I got some goodies from some people, but I am no where close to being down shopping.  I think I know what I am going to get all my friends at this point.  Now I just have to figure out what I am going to do for my family.

Aside from the shopping, I had a really good time at my favorite coffee shop with a new friend I meet a couple weeks ago.  After we finished our coffee, we went over to this beed shop I had never been to.  They were trying to get some stuff for their sister.  Making some sort of gift for them.  Kind of reminded me of my sister. . kind of creative.   Anywho, I had a really fun time. .   The next time I, see, or talk to you, I will have to share all the details. .  don’t really care to write them here,  at this point.  I’m sure you can understand.

After my fun afternoon, without getting a parking ticket mind you,  I did a tad more shopping.  That was when I figured out what I was going to get all my friends.  Tomorrow, I am heading out to pick the stuff up.

My French is moving right along. .  Still learning.  Probably the hardest part is learning how to write it.  It is SO different from many languages.  It is probable like that for people learning English.  Silent letters, and words that have multiple meaning, or sound the same but are spelled differently.  I think there is a steep learning curve. . but my spirits are still high.  Do an hour or two each day, things should start to get easier. . or at least I hope they will.

I got in contact with a bunch of new extended family members yesterday.  I have been writing an aunt on my dad’s side, as well as some long lost cousins. .  It is actually really nice reconnecting with these people.  They knew me very well when I was young, but as I grew up. .  or connection broke.  More my fault than anything, but I have the chance to make it up.  I exchanged email address with several people, and I’m going to try to rebuild those relationships.

Speaking of which, I need should sit down and write another letter to my biological dad.  This would be a good weekend to do that.

I guess I kind of had a big day today, huh?  Awesome!  I haven’t had one of those in a long time.

How did your Thanksgiving go?

I had a pretty good one, myself.  I ate more than I needed, and laughed a lot.  What more can you ask for?  I invited a couple of friends over to my parents house, and really enjoyed their company.  It is really nice hearing new stories and laughing to old ones.  I guess that is why the holidays are so special.

Aside from those activities, I really didn’t do much today.  I worked on my French for most of the morning and afternoon.  I would be hard pressed to repeat anything still, but I feel as if I am making some progress.

The weather is already starting to get to me.  Cloudy all day long, almost every day.  It doesn’t even rain. .  just cloudy, and foggy in parts.  What I wouldn’t do for some sun. .

Oh, my sister came over to my place this afternoon.   we played some boardgames before we headed over to our parents.

Hum. .   what else can I report??

Tomorrow should be a fun day to shop.  All the energy of the shoppers, plus the awesome early doorbuster sales. .  (go for the people watching). .  I don’t know about you, but it doesn’t feel like the holidays are back.  Where did the year go?  It seems like we just celebrated Christmas.  Unlike years past, I don’t have all my holiday gifts yet.  Actually, I don’t have a single one.  I know I should probably start looking. .  Tomorrow would be a good day to do it, right?

Good night everyone.

I got my test scores back today. . . the result was not very good.  What can I say.  I knew I didn’t do all that well, but I just didn’t know how bad.  The class average was a 78, I was below that.  I got a 72 actually.  He said that there will be a 9 point curve, so I my score will go up to into the ‘b’ range. .  He was surprised at how bad our class did.  I think he might have actually said these exact words.  There was one question particular that everyone missed.  He said in all his time of being a prof. he has never seen the WHOLE class miss the same problem.  So, he marked it correct for all of us.  He said, and I agree, that had we guessed. . we would have had a better chance of getting it right.  The question was a multiple choice question with 4 possible answers.  Statistically speaking, 25% of the class should have got it right, but that didn’t happen, instead we broke the odds.  We all tried to solve it, but failed.  The odds of this are .75 to the 50th power.  Something like 5.1 to the -7th.  VERY SMALL.

The truth of the matter is that the question was probably tricky, or we were not taught the material.  Even so, one of our wild guesses should have hit the correct answer.  So, I propose this.  We had just enough knowledge to sort of understand the question, but not enough to solve it.  Dangerous situation, right?

Today I started my French program.  At this point, I still am not skilled enough to write anything.  I know a few words now, and I can read a little bit.  It is nothing like Japanese or Spanish.  At least with those two, you can sound out the words based off the letters showing.  This is not the case with French.

Oh, today I went to Dutch Bro’s for a mocha.  I had heard that the all the people who work there flirt with their customers.  The guys flirt with the women customers, and the women employees with the men.  It has to be part of the training.  I didn’t believe it until I saw it for myself today.  I guess it makes the customers feel good.  Which, makes people like coming to your place, thus more sales.  I guess it is a good idea, really.  Just kind of makes you wonder if there isn’t a lawsuit in the waiting.

The past two weeks now, I have been doing double workouts.  That means swimming in the morning, and efx and weights in the evening.  I will not be able to do this for the next couple of days, I am a little sad.  Going to the gym is something I can do, enjoy doing, and makes me feel good.  Now it is closed for two days.  :(  I don’t know what I am going to do with myself.  Sheldon, my work, has a weight room. . but no cardio machines.  It should be an interesting couple of days, I will have lots of pent up engery ready to be released on Saturday.

I have been going to the gym so much, that I am starting to meet the regulars.  Or, if I haven’t talked to them. .  I easily recognize them.  Today, I decided I might as well start conversation with them.  So I met a new person today. Actually, yesterday I met this other guy.  Using my social skills for good, not evil.

I hope everyone has a super awesome Thanksgiving. .  My best wishes will be with you.

I finally got my French software today.  As I type this, I am installing and uploading all things French.  Wish me luck on this new endeavor.  I will try to write something French each day. .  (how long will I be able to keep this up, will be the better question.)  I will save you from it tonight, as I haven’t started the program yet.

I did some group work this evening.  It went as smoothly as it should.  NO problems.  I wish more classes had groups like this.  We rock socks.  Everyone has a special skill and we use it for the various projects.  It works very well.  Actually, to tell you the truth, I haven’t had a bad group since undergrad, and that was a long time ago.  None the less, tonights group work was awesome.  I was laughing SO hard at times. .  I guess that is what happens when you work with friends.

I came to another important conclussion today.  It is going to be really hard to get away from my past.  No matter what I do, it is going to be there to remind me of everything.  I have no problem with this, because I am . . who I am. .  because of it.  I like me. .  why would I have any problems with it?   The truth is, no matter where I go. . I am going to have the same past.  However, when you meet new people you get the chance to set a new impression.  So many of the people I know, or meet. . know so much about me already.  In some ways it would be nice to go somewhere, where everyone doesn’t know your name.

I am starting over, and doing things differently. . but when people learn about my past, they seem to judge me.  I can’t do a damn thing about it, but embrace it.  Going where people don’t know me, I can not bring it up. .  and never have to.  Kind of an interesting debate, right?  If there is no one to question you, or put you back into your place. .  you never really need to re-live the past.  (you can’t run from it, but you don’t have to live with it)

Why do I bring this up tonight, of all nights?   As I meet more people, I really don’t want to talk about my past.  My friends, I don’t mind at all. .  . they are my life blood.  New poeple, why should they know anything at this point?  What if I don’t ever want to bring it up?  At least until I am ready.  Living in town with so many connections, kind of makes this really hard.

Oh well. . . : )

Time to run. .  (I mean, go to bed.)